This week I am facilitating some training at Microsoft and was privileged to be able to share the experience as I sat with a group of employees to watch the internal webcast introducing Satya to the company in his new role. As an ex employee, and continued supporter of the company, it gave me goosebumps to see the three CEOs, past and present (Bill Gates, Steve Ballmer and Satya Nadella), on stage together and to witness the passing of the leadership baton.
And in the back of my mind, an old dragon woke up and pointedly asked how I felt about the fact that Nadella is only a couple of years older than I am. I mean, he’s really successful, right? After all, he’s the CEO of one of the most influential companies in history, he has multiple degrees, a family and all that stuff… and he’s only 46. In comparison, what have I done with my life? Should I have pursued an executive path in the corporate world? What legacy will I leave? How successful am I really; what do my accomplishments add up to or stand for?
Yup, that crazy-making slippery slope of comparison. I was poised to slide all the way down that oily path to a dank and dark place of shame and inadequacy. Until I started to ask myself a few questions:
- What makes me think I’m any less of a successful human being than Satya Nadella?
- Is Satya Nadella’s success the kind of success I actually want?
- Would I be prepared, or want, to pay the price required to achieve that kind of successs?
- How, exactly, do I define success anyway? What does a successful life mean TO ME?
- What are my values, and how have those values driven the decisions that have led me to my current situation?
- If I’m not satisfied with where I am now, what changes can I make to change direction, accelerate trajectory or deepen experience?
The fact of the matter is that there will always be someone younger, prettier, richer, thinner, more “successful” (according to whatever criteria you apply), etc. than me. And conversely, I will always be that person to someone else. So how does it serve me to constantly compare myself to others? Others, whose paths are not mine. Others, who have different values than I. Others, who bring their own unique mix of skill, talent, history, environment and community to the mix.
Short answer is: it doesn’t. I have my own path to walk. I have my own value to bring. It doesn’t matter what other people bring. They are a different thread in the universal tapestry. What matters is that I am clear on how I define success for myself; that I am aligned to and living my values; that I am being the human being I want to be (and if I’m not, that I’m changing things to better reflect my truth). And there’s a great deal of peace to be found in letting go of the comparisons, the arbitrary scorecards, the “shoulding” all over myself for not being something other than what I am. I own my destiny. I own my identity. My job is to live that, and not someone else’s.
Congratulations, Satya! I’m glad you’re living your truth, and I wish you every success in life, as YOU define it.
OMG Lorrin–I can SO relate to this! Great job in being so clear about how to change the thoughts surrounding it!
Thanks, Julia! I suspected I wasn’t the only one suffering from comparisonitis 🙂
I did the same mental math on the age, and then quickly dismissed that because I have always known that CEO-hood is not something I aspire to. It’s a few levels down that I have more comparison issues. Or to what people in authority have told me I “should” be doing. Or what I told myself I should be doing many years ago, which no longer seems to fit my definition of success or happiness now… I struggle with what I think is “good” for me vs. what makes me happy.
Ah, the time-honored tradition of “shoulding” all over ourselves… funny how we tell ourselves a story of what we should be doing and then forget to adjust it as our values, perspectives, experiences evolve. I generally find that if something makes me happy, it’s good for me. And life is WAY too short for self flagellation unless it’s in service to something that’s going to make me happy enough to justify it 😉