A friend of mine posted this on his Facebook status today: “I am coming to think that I am irretrievably lost between cultures and countries. I am a freak hybrid, fascinating species maybe but without a true community. #lostinbetween”
I immediately thought “he’s one of my tribe!” I call these people “Scatterlings” (after the Juluka song “Scatterlings of Africa“) – many of us are serial expats, truly scattered to the four winds. We may hold (or have held) multiple citizenships; we are citizens of the world, cosmopolitan and adaptable. But ask us “where is home?” or even “where are you from” and you’ll see a split-second of confusion, a shadow of loss, an acute awareness of our “otherness” before we reply with some glib conversation-starter or a question of our own.
Some of us initially scattered voluntarily, some were forced by circumstances. Some of us landed and immediately set down roots, adopting and adapting to their new home. I call these folk immigrants. The rest of us – the Scatterlings – have developed a kind of nomadic imperative; we don’t always transplant well, in spite of how easily we appear to integrate into whichever community we find ourselves, and so we often keep moving. On the most intimate level, we recognize that we can never go back “home” – that time shifts and even places we return to are not the same as when we left. So we wander, always feeling a little alienated; somewhat foreign; never quite a local. We find our way around but always with a slight sense of being lost and of having scattered bits of ourselves – willingly or otherwise – around the world.
I think many Scatterlings have learned a special kind of deflection skill as a result of our chameleon-like ability to blend into our surroundings – but because of our facility with this, we sometimes forget to stay connected to our own true identity. That can lead us to feel as though we don’t have a tribe, a community to which we are native. it can be a lonely space and my friend’s Facebook post resonated with me to the core.
I am learning, however, that there are ways to ease that kind of dis-integration that we Scatterlings have a tendency to develop. We can build community. Thankfully, technology allows us to create virtual tribes we can maintain regardless of where our restless feet may carry us. As the world grows ever smaller, and technology ever more ubiquitous, more and more of us will be initiated into the Tribe of Scatterlings and we can realize our shared experiences together. We can create a kind of “nomadic Namaste” – a recognition of the simultaneous dispersal and universal connection of each and every one of us. We can empower the ability to remain in the present that our circumstances have honed. We can find ways to honor and maintain heritage. We can develop and craft our unique, blended identity to create a new legacy and heritage.
And – as another very dear friend of mine and fellow Scatterling once pointed out – by journeying within to discover and reconcile with ourselves, we can learn to create and carry our own nation within us.
You have me thinking…. There will be more…
One of the things I love most about you Margie, is that you’re always thinking 🙂
I shared this with my friend who responded with “nicely written, and describes what I feel really well. But I’m not sure the “virtual tribe” works for me. I already spend way too many hours staring at a screen, and having to add to those to feel connection with somebody whom I can touch and smell and hug maybe once a year depresses me.”
I totally get that – my thoughts in response:
I think for me its value is as a way of staying connected at least on some level with the people I can’t physically be with.
That said, there really is no substitute for being WITH our friends and loved ones. Being able to connect with them, touch them. And for us Scatterlings, those people are similarly scattered across the globe, adding complexity.
Some of the choices we have to make then, are:
With whom do we want to be? Then do we want to – or can we – be there?
Are we prepared to put down roots and be tied to one place? Is the connection call strong enough for one community that we can unequivocally choose to go deep and stay long enough to become a rooted member of that community?
Can I balance my need for physical connection to a community with my need to roam? For me this is where the virtual aspect becomes important – I maintain my connections while apart, and strengthen them when together. The challenge lies in the logistics – making sure I prioritize the time and money to find ways to visit and re-connect on a physical plane.
My big one (and one to which I sadly suspect my answer would be “no, not really) – is there a community to which I can honestly feel I will one day truly belong and be a part of? If so, perhaps that’s the answer to the other questions.
I think we could probably go deep for a long time on this, and there may be as many solutions as there are individuals. In the end, I think our tribe will always carry a kind of existential loneliness within us, regardless of where/if we do settle and become rooted in one place.
I do love the discussion this post generated on my friend’s Facebook wall though – he has a broad and diverse group of friends around the world, and some of the themes that came through on the discussion were profound:
Questions of true vs “false” or superficial community.
The concept of acceptance and commitment – what are we prepared to accept and commit to, vs what do we commit to changing?
The healing power of taking time out in Nature to reconnect on a deep and physical level to the world around you.
This one, I have to quote because it encompasses much: “Virtual community? Only good for exchange of thoughts and maybe finding other scatterlings and globallings. It’s the physical, emotional and true belonging we are missing, the knowing that this is the environment around us without missing bits and pieces and connections from other places, without the doubt that this is it: my home. Of course it’s not tragic or all that bad as it makes us what we are and appreciated by others, yet there is that niggling feeling… the sense of loss, of not quite being part of it, and the inkling of loneliness wherever we are. How to overcome such a situation? Get on with life. Be so engulfed and passionate about what you do that you have no time for that feeling to resurface, avoid reflecting on the feeling too often too much, divert thoughts to more beneficial and optimistic approaches, and definitely treasure your friends and family to embrace the scattered communities one has, including hugs, closeness, comfort, familiar sounds and activities
What I’m taking from the discussion is this:
Ultimately we can choose to feel trapped or drown in our “in between” state, or we can accept that what is IS, savour the moments of connection by being truly and wholly present in them when they happen, and leverage other ways of staying in touch as we can… Or we can choose to relinquish something (freedom, mobility, physical connection with some of our tribe) in order to invest in a deep, physical connection with a smaller “village”. There are trade offs either way, as with everything. So we decide what is MOST important to us, and COMMIT to that 🙂