#stress #helplessness #fatigue
The other day a friend posted this on their Facebook wall “worked 7:30-4:00 on my ‘vacation day'”, so I asked why they chose to do that. Their response? “I work at [insert name of global technology company here], ’nuff said.”
Interesting. And a paradigm I used to subscribe to, by the way. It’s a very seductive corporate culture that is not unique to that company, although it is particularly strong there. This concept that routinely subjugating your priorities and blurring your boundaries on behalf of the corporation is somehow “just the way it is” and something you should accept if you want to work/do well at the company is not unusual in the corporate world.
Well, I call foul, and not because of the company’s expectations – after all, in spite of what the Supreme Court says, a corporation is not a person. It’s more like a refrigerator: you put stuff in, you get stuff out… it’ll take whatever you put into it, and it cannot see you as a human being. So when we fall in love with the company we are employed by; when we invest emotionally into its wellbeing above our own, we’re making a big mistake. I used to see it as a Human Resources professional all the time – the absolute collapse of a person’s sense of self if they were let go for whatever reason; the devastation caused by events completely out of their control, like re-organizations… They had given their soul to a soulless entity and were horrified when that entity couldn’t reciprocate. Yes, the people in a corporation have soul – they can choose to behave respectfully and manage effectively. But all too often, we identify with the company itself. How many times have I heard that “Company XYZ treats its employees like rubbish (or treats them well)”? It’s not the company that does it, it’s the individual managers and, having worked at the tech company my friend above mentioned on his Facebook wall, I could paint that place in a thousand different colors depending on which job/group/year/manager I’m thinking about when I do.
But back to the core issue here. Since when did it become accepted practice for adult professionals to abdicate responsibility for our lives?? Where did we pick up this resigned shrug and “well, I work at ABC Corporation so I’m going to have to behave like an indentured servant because that’s just the way it works here” attitude? Who made it a prerequisite of employment that we routinely sacrifice time with our families, our health (sleep, anyone?? how about those stress levels?), the hobbies that give us peace, pleasure and balance? Why do we feel we have no choice but to do this; that we’re helpless cogs in the corporate machine? I see this pattern over and over – in my friends, in my clients… and it’s a complete myth! Employment does not equal indentured servitude – it is a contract of fair trade: something of value (your time, expertise, effort) is offered in return for consideration (remuneration, benefits, advancement). That’s all. Nowhere does that contract imply that you have to sacrifice your whole person wellness by working unsustainable hours and putting the company’s demands ahead of important things like your health, or time with your family. In fact, things like the 40 hour work week and benefits like paid vacation time were fought for and won in order to give you the power to set and defend those boundaries. And it’s good business for companies to have a healthy, happy, balanced workforce – fewer precious dollars lost to stress and medical leaves, high turnover, poor PR from resentful employees etc.
“But”, I hear you cry, “sacrifices have to be made if we’re to progress or outperform our peers in a competitive environment!” I agree. And YOU decide what’s most important to you. YOU decide what you’re going to sacrifice, and to what end. YOU define the boundaries and how permeable they are. NOT the corporation. This attitude of helplessness and resignation is unbecoming and disempowering. And it’s based on a myth of powerlessness. Many of the people higher on the corporate ladder than you, more “successful” than you, have maintained their boundaries. They delegate (often to the people who are laboring under the delusion that they “must” work all hours, answer every email, never let a ball drop), they say NO, they are clear with their priorities. And, whether they’d admit it or not – whether they’re even aware of it – every one of them has made very clear and conscious trade-offs to be where they are.
So I’m saying to you: feel free to give your vacation time back to your employer. Feel free to choose work over sleep or exercise, or a home-cooked meal. Feel free to give the company time you might otherwise spend with people or doing things you love. But stop pretending you have no choice in the matter, because you do. YOU are the one making daily decisions about, and living according to, your priorities. At least own that and be honest with yourself. Your actions, your behaviors show where your priorities lie – not your protestations. Even if you don’t make a change in your actions, take back your power: acknowledge that you are choosing the way things are right now, and that’s a valid choice for you in service to your true priorities (as they stand currently). Just shifting your perspective to one of ownership and accountability can make a difference in how you show up – being intentional about your life and choices is deeply empowering and can even make some of those yucky trade offs you need to make feel less like an imposition.
When I’m coaching clients, we will inevitably do work around values – getting clear on them; identifying where our lives and values are misaligned; how they drive our priorities and choices – because a lot of the time at the crux of those feelings of being stuck, helpless and overwhelmed is a lack of clarity about, and commitment to, our top values. When we’re out of alignment we hurt – as with our body, as with our soul. When we’re in alignment we experience ease and empowerment. Re-aligning can take some work though – it’s not always comfortable while we’re in process – AND it pays dividends that are so, so worth it, I can promise you that!
What are you going to do today, to take back your power and be more intentional about your choices?
Great blog, spot on!!
Lorrin, this is so very true.
As one who totally embraced the insane belief that my health, family and friends were all secondary to my career for so long. The realization that the only person who had this expectation of me hit me like a slap in the face.
My ultimate realization was that I was compensating for my own self doubt by being a martyr for the company. In reality the people employed by the company often viewed my self sacrifice as more of a sign that I was out of control and lacking the maturity to have my life in order.
Interestingly, my realization was born out of the experience of trying to model highly successful leaders and the subsequent realization that they were not behaving the way I was. They chose instead to place their personal wellbeing and their families at the highest priority.
In the end it comes down to being At Cause and not At Effect. As you so eloquently remind us, we make the Choices in our lives, and being in control or being a slave to our job is a matter of choice.
Choose wisely!