Do coaches have coaches?

Coaches have coaches…
There’s a random little childhood nursery rhyme that goes, “Great fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite ’em. And little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum” – always makes me want to sing “Every coach has a coach…” anyway, you get the drift – the short answer to the question is: Yes. The most effective coaches invariably do have their own coaches. Just as personal therapy is highly recommended for psychotherapists, coaches can benefit greatly from having a coach of their own. There are myriad benefits for the coach and the clients they subsequently work with.

I regularly attend workshops by other coaches, and have ongoing in-person and phone sessions with my coach – for me, this serves on a few important fronts:

1) I like to sit in the client’s chair from time to time so I don’t lose touch with their experience.

It’s easy as a coach to forget just how confronting, frustrating, emotional, enlightening and empowering a coaching session can be for someone, and putting myself back in that situation helps me maintain empathy and understanding. It’s a very important hubris check – as a coach, I’m not some elightened expert but rather a guide who is trained in helping people raise their consciousness around blocks in their lives so that they can decide what will be a better path moving forward. If I never sit in that space of struggle and discovery myself, it can be all too easy to forget my place as a coach.

2) Our work is never done, and your work is not the same as mine.

There are concepts in psychotherapy of “transference” and “countertransference”. These are normal occurrences in the therapeutic relationship wherein past feelings, conflicts, attitudes – unfinished business, if you will – are applied to present relationships, situations and circumstances. “Transference” is when the patient, or client, assigns meanings to their interaction with the therapist as a result of their unfinished business, and “countertransference” is when the therapist’s behaviors, reactions, thoughts and feelings toward the patient/client are determined by their own unfinished business.

Similar dynamics exist in a coaching relationship, and it is important, as a coach, for me to have sufficient self awareness to clearly “see” my client and differentiate their situation and experience from my own. I want to be careful to maintain as neutral and objective an observation of my client’s story as possible, and to respect their unique situation in order to more effectively help them to access their own inner wisdom about it, rather than leading them based on my projected interpretations, reactions or values. In Gestalt coaching, we are also trained to be careful not to become “confluent” with our client – that is, to maintain clear boundaries so that we can effectively support the client’s own path and process rather than merging it with our own.

Coaches aren’t “gurus” – we’re human beings on our own path of growth, and of course our experiences inform our intuition and awareness. Our integrated self, however, is a sensitive instrument that we can use to help our clients along their own path of discovery as long as we make sure to “calibrate” and keep appropriate perspective. We do this by regularly addressing our own personal unfinished business, and maintaining awareness of boundaries (what is the client’s “stuff” vs what is ours) so that we avoid the traps of projection and confluence.

3) Constant and Never Ending Improvement

This is a core tenet for me, and something reinforced by the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method I am currently working towards certification in – we coaches are always adding to our “toolkit” so that we can better serve our clients, whether it be new information, techniques, perspectives or qualifications. By actively collaborating and working with other coaches, including being coached by them, I open myself up to all of these and my clients benefit as a result.

On a purely operational level in addition to the personal work that gets done, I also learn through observation at every workshop or coaching session I attend – whether it’s small logistics details or big group dynamic a-ha’s – seeing what works and what can be tweaked in a live situation is invaluable as I plan future offerings.

You should always feel comfortable asking your coach if they themselves are coached, and use your intuition and awareness to decide what to do based on their response. If you ever feel that your coach is not able to maintain perspective, is rigid in their approach or technique, or simply isn’t effectively partnering with you to achieve the outcome you have mutually agreed on, find a better fit – your life is too important to waste stuck in any sub optimal coaching situation!

(c) Lorrin Maughan 2014